Chat away here


Perhaps the other thread is getting a bit long. I dont have time to post properly at the moment due to work commitments… AGAIN. But if peopke want to chat about the guardian… life.. food and kittens.. please do!

Im just going to have a wee whinge about samsung android tablets… FUCK YOU! I so wish I’d bought an iPad… fuckers. My tablet is seriously shit and I paid jolly good money for it.


EW Phone Home


Kitten in a colony I feed.

If anyone knows where elephant woman is hanging out can you tell her to contact the mods. They’re there to talk but she has to contact them and I’ve been given a strongly worded telling off for breaking the mod moaning rule and calling them a rude name. I apologise for being insulting but we’d like our friend back, please.

If anyone can pass the message on, I’d be grateful. Thanks.

Elephantwoman banned for punning


My cat is ashamed of the guardian.


It used to be that the guardian fostered a sense of community from its btl contributors as it recognised that the interaction of user and the site helped promote the content. One particularly good example of that is how the btl japery helped to bring Rhik Samadder to a wider public.

One of the best contributers for fun over the years has been Elephantwoman who turned every thread into an excuse for a pun and while this was, strictly speaking, an infringement of moderation rules it was always great fun and helped to make the btl world a better place. A place not only dominated by trolls and hate but also one characterised by wit and intelligence. So.. what do you do? Ban her.

I’m incensed by the moronic corporate rigidity of that kind of moderation.

I’m too fucking disgusted to say anything other than you are fucking morons. Really.

Summer Bean Salad


Tasty, refreshing, piss easy, filling, healthy and vegan – how’s that for virtue signalling? Fuck you Evil Gwynnie!

So a couple of weeks ago I’d bought that big bag of borlotti beans and used most of them to make the Anna Jones veggie chilli, which is straight up my favourite chilli of any kind, anywhere, that I’ve ever had. I could eat it every day for ever. Some of the beans I then used to make the bean spread (and I’m going to try and adapt that to a veggie burger some time soon) and the rest were frozen for later use. Last weekend was the heatwave from hell and we’ve got another one coming up. So the last thing I want to do is cook. It’s salads all the way for me. I like bean salads because they’re a proper meal and don’t leave you hungry and they can be done in so many styles. Go a bit Mexican – have beans and sweetcorn, cumin, chili, lemon or lime and lots of finely chopped peppers. Go a bit Asian and add lots of fresh coriander. Or just make it up as you go along with whatever herbs, spices and flavourings you like. Just plain with oil, lemon and sliced red onions works great.

Mine was basically a ‘use what’s left in the fridge and cupboard’ salad (though I resisted adding sweetcorn – god knows how). What’s great, though, is that borlotti beans have such a nice rich creamy flavour that whatever you do it’s going to be good. Follow my ideas or branch out. If you can’t get fresh borlotti, I highly recommend the frozen ones too. I’ve never had them tinned so can’t comment.


A tin or a cup or two of cooked borlotti beans.

1 red onion, sliced finely

1 romano red pepper sliced finely

1 handful of chopped flat leaf parsley

1 handful of chopped fresh coriander

some chilli flakes to taste or some hot chilli sauce like tabasco, Dunn’s River or Encona

a three fingered large pinch of smoked paprika

a good dash of apple cider vinegar (lemon or lime works here too)

a good dash of EVO oil

a good pinch of sea salt.

Mix everything together in a bowl and eat as is. Heat a corn tortilla, stuff with the salad, some salsa (optional) and a good dollop of strained Greek yoghurt. Those who can’t get proper sack yoghurt can use Fage 10% strained yoghurt. It’s acceptable. Don’t use the 2%, it’s rubbish.

Another thing you could do is cut a baguette in half. Remove some of the bread filling to make a ‘boat’ heat in the oven for a few minutes then fill the boat with salad and top with yoghurt.

Anyways – these are just ideas to get you started make up your own guitar riffs…

Easy Aubergine Bake


Night time photos are always rubbish.. sorry. It is tasty though, honest!

Here’s another aubergine bake for summer. This is dead easy and pretty tasty and makes a good work lunch meal as you can easily ping it in the work microwave for easy desk food. If I weren’t time poor and knackered I would probably do this differently, with a carefully made sauce and maybe a layer of mozzarella in there. But I’m usually too knackered after work to do anything fancy. This still works though. In fact, it’s pretty good for a rush job bake. The trick is to assemble it quickly and to bake it nice and slow with a good blast at the end to get the topping nice and crispy. Also, I used the rendered fat from sausages (which I keep in my fridge for up to ten days) to grease the oven dish and this does give real depth of flavour. But use whatever you have handy. A rasher of finely chopped bacon in the sauce also helps too. Finally, I made my breadcrumbs with slightly stale wholewheat sourdough but use whatever you have.

Quick aubergine summer bake for two

2 good sized aubergines sliced quite but not too thinly

1 medium onion

2 good sized toms

1 red chilli

2 cloves of peeled garlic

a large handful of flat leaf parsley

salt and pepper



2 handfuls of fresh breadcrumbs made by whizzing a good thick slice of bread in a multichopper

1 large handful of grated grana Padano cheese


Grease a medium sized oven dish (mine is about 10 by 6 inches). Grease well. Layer the bottom with the aubergine slices. Should be about 2 or 3 layers. Quarter the toms and cut the the garlic into chunks. Add the toms, garlic and chilli to a multichopper and pulse until you have a thick sauce. Quarter the onion. Add the onion and flat leaf parsley to the tom sauce in the multi chopper and pulse for a few seconds till the onions are chopped but not pulped. Spread this mix over the aubergines and season with salt and pepper. Mix the cheese and breadcrumbs together in a bowl and sprinkle over the top of the bake. Cover in loose foil and bake in a pre-heated medium oven for 45 – 60 minutes until the aubergines are good and soft. Remove foil. Turn up heat and brown off the topping. Leave to cool and serve warm not hot.